tautologic, I have quite a different view now that I have read your more detailed account and understand what you have gone through. (Your comment about waltzing back in and the extrapolation you raised about the house are not things I would have said.) I am very glad you have the help of a couples counselor. I can tell you have really worked hard on your marriage--8 years in couples counseling shows the strong dedication of both of you to the partnership.

I wish your family the best of outcomes with the situation and hope your husband can find a solution to his depression. I agree, depression affects the whole family. And yes, you are right, I am sensitive ("prickly") to this as my H took anti-depressants, which prolonged the bad situation in our family, as he reacted to the meds by becoming more content with a bad situation instead of being motivated to work on a solution. That's not just my assessment, he says it himself. I have a (female) friend who was on ADs who experienced a similar misplaced "contentment" in her relationship. It sounds like your situation, however, is just the opposite--that when your H takes meds, it helps your family immensely.