Quote:
Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian
I know what you want. You want special treatment. You want a guy to "sniff" who you really are and get you right from the start
But bear in mind - it also takes being a bit more... straightforward
As immersed in your inner world as you are, it takes a bit of extraction and expression which can actually build a relationship, and not an expectationsship
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Well this is just full of assumptions. Your words are carefully chosen to reflect something in particular. Special treatment implies that I think I deserve, above anyone else, better and different treatment.
I don't think this is a problem with how guys treat me, per se, I think this is a far more insidious thing. Guys view dating as a game and to improve their chances of winning they have to play more often. At some point it seems like the other players aren't really *there* anymore for them. "If it fits, I sits".
I've met other guys who get to know me differently. Not "specially". They get to know me a friend. Sort of as a disinterested spectator, disinterested in the romance aspect from the get-go. They're not going in hoping to see what happens romantically, if it happens "then it happens". Guys who say this are expecting this development, from the beginning. Others are going in as people dealing with other people.
I don't want him to get me right from the start. That sort of thinking is very ego-centric. Entirely the type of thing I dislike in the dating game, and what I feel is happening. These guys treat others as means to their ends. The end is merely a relationship, and not another person. People are looking for a significant other before they're looking at the person they're dealing with. I want *him* to be, "from the start", as in that's who he is as a person, someone who gets to know someone else normally so that when you say things like "I think you're X" with that being some kind of a compliment, it's actually meaningful because there's context between you two which supports this type of remark.
I'm expecting people to not be the type who wants anyone who'll be willing to be their girlfriend (because that's what they want "a girlfriend" not Zygomycosis), or people who say meaningless things. That doesn't arise from the dynamic of the relationship, that's who they are. Otherwise, if I have to tell the other person that sort of thing isn't cool, it feels like I'm holding their hand and telling them a secret, that's not a secret. Don't be a weirdo. As in don't tell me I'm perfect on the first date, you can't possibly think that's normal. Don't tell me maybe we'll be roommates, on the first date, that's not okay. There's nothing that makes this remark warranted. It's vapid and empty. It's just there as a bad attempt to please me. And it misses the mark.