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Old Jun 03, 2018, 03:41 PM
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kismetie kismetie is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2012
Location: Gotham
Posts: 57
Hi, so if any of you guys are familiar with the four attachment styles for adults, that's what I'm here to talk about/ask advice on?

I had a pretty decent link that summarized everything in a nice concise way on attachment forms for adults, but I guess I didn't bookmark it so here is a quick link to wikipedia's https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults.

My question is specifically for people who identify with the fearful-avoidant attachment style. How did you finally meet someone or put yourself out there to find a romantic/ or even close platonic partner? How do you work on yourself knowing how wary you can be when it comes to emotional closeness and being vulnerable?

I'm 26 and I've never been in a relationship and struggle to even overcome daily anxieties of socially talking to people to make friendships. I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for almost a decade now and I don't feel any closer to resolving much :/ I spent most of the past decade even distancing myself from my own feelings.

Everyone's self story is different and unique to themselves. For me, my fearful avoidant attachment stems from childhood emotional neglect and unhealthy codependent parenting styles from my parents. On top of developing anxiety and depression somewhere along the lines in middle school.

I've never been in a relationship, but I have been in love once and it was an unrequited messy kind of thing between a close friend of mines. But besides that, I have nothing to really go on.

I'm anxious and worried that I'll stay alone forever or if I do meet someone I'll be to preoccupied with my own feelings of mistrust and being taken advantage of or allowing myself to be vulnerable to open up in the relationship OR I'll think I'm just some kind of stepping stone for the other person because of my crappy low self esteem.

I also neurotically worry about if I allow myself to really open up I'll fall into a more anxious-preoccupied attachment style. And I've already been known to gravitate towards dismissive-avoidant types.

So yeah, I tend to overthink everything and psyche myself out before I've even really had a chance to get started and am looking to hear from others, rather that be advice, stories of their own experiences, or whatever!
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