I value all the responses above. The advice about her not wanting to be intrusive would make sense, if I was her co-worker or 2nd cousin once removed. But I would agree that she seems to really fear being too forward. Or she may have other inhibitions. As deejay says, by not reacting peevishly, I have nothing to lose and a sister to gain . . . maybe. That would be the bigger and more prudent way to handle this.

I wish I were so big and mature that my sister's keeping her distance wouldn't bother me. But I'm not. There is a history of hurtfulness behind all this that goes back years. I am grateful to Zygomycosis for seeing something odd in a sister texting a platitude that might be perfectly serviceable were I less to her than a sister. She has a right to choose her close, personal friends. One doesn't necessarily choose a sibling for that status. But decent manners impel most gracious people to at least fake a certain closeness with immediate family during times such as I'm passing through now. She prides herself on being a gracious person who never, ever "does anything wrong." She is one of the most defensive and self-righteous people I have ever known. She can sure pick me apart with her fault-finding.

I wish I could believe I did have a sister to gain. For years I've twisted myself like a pretzel trying to not react to her hurtfulness because I wanted to save the relationship. I feared saying anything that might widen the breech. I just can't sustain that effort. It gets tortuous. Some people you have to meet more than halfway. I'm fine with that. But I don't want to keep sucking up the hurt. I'ld rather let her drift as far away as she may be willing to drift. I'm willing to accept that she may not know any better. But she gives away a lack of interest in me that is hurtful. No one has to be interested in me. But I'm not going to treat someone as if they were when they keep showing that they aren't.