I wnet out with a guy. Second time. now we come to the beach (no not to swim) just a hike and he says "I want to kiss you"
Abd I say...what i still don`t feel i know you! i tlak and feel like heck has he gone insane?!

Tell me - do you kiss on second date? anyone?
I don`t know...to me it doesn feel like. then we went into a conversation and i explained to him I am very slow in this process of physical ..connection? and I told him then that i kissed first time with my boyfriend on our 12th meeting, after a month (which is true)

He asked me if i was a virgin

Heck I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN that by kindly explaining to a person and giving an example from my past I will have such question damn it.

I started shaking, my heart starting beating hard and fast and i felt like crying. I almost did. Lately in the car he saidihe saw ....that i was crying. He tried to understand why i am that way and wy i am afraid i tol dhim you are a stranger i don`t feel comfortable he sadi he doesn`t feel confortabel either but i want to get closer to you, no break the distance. After a while he said well you want me to drive you home? I said that "why now that we don`t kiss you are dissapointed so now you want t oend our meeintg?"

he said he feels these bad energies. He didn`t understand. he said that he won`t rape me and that I mention just facts. Nto feelings. He didn`t see HOW the facts that it`s are, i am in a place i don`t know with a nam i hardly know I relate to what i feel. anyways he said we need to take some danger in life etc.

I guess this is the bull****every man says when he needs a %#@&#!.
He said "Ho God you are so analitic. you remind me myself!

So in the care we calmed down and talked on and in the end he said i jsut want to feel the wormth. a hug anyhting..i sadi tha ta hug is a different matter So when i got out of the car before i put my arm around him and kissed him on the cheek. He sadi waint don`t you want me to hug you?

He did and kissed my head adn i went home

Now i sit and thing to myself that why in the world i tend to react like that? can it be a sort of a short traumatic relationship i had at the age of 18? Now i am 22.
well i just DON`T HTINK that a perosn who doesn`t knwo you should kis you in the mouth - that being sadi I DO NOT JUDGE people who do si - but i myself am terrifrid. Now- i was fine wit hrefusing him to kiss on the mouth there but the shaking and the crying do they have anything to do with "just the curcomstances?" or wiht fear of men in jeneral that are all just little turds whio will %#@&#! you and throw you. But i was never thrown, I feel that if i give up to the man`t wnat and have sex or a kiss or whatever i will...i start feeling lost and scare of this though. and ALONE and violated and comepletely terrifried



It happened with my first serious boyfriend when aftet in the end of first date as we shook hands he pulled me towards him. I immidiatly took a big step backwards.

I don`t know. i am %#@&#! scared. Why?

I jsut think tat i am not a ***** and i need to knwo that teh perosn who rouches me LOVES me and CARES about me. WE DON`T LOVE each other yet. Even if we ever will, well, i don`t know.

When i enetered the car i noticed that he looked good and i felt attracted t him and stuff...but when he throw this bomb on me i just can`t imagine this to be real without getting terrifried..KISS NOW WHY i just don` t want to be thrown alone in this world.

iSN`T IT STRANGE THAT SOMETHINGTHAT SHOULD MAKE YOU FEEL SO CLOSE TO SOME1 MAKES ME FEEL ALONE
A L O N E

What a paradox!

I WILL NOT LET ANYBODY CONTROLL ME

THE FACT YOU ARE A MAN DOESN`T SAY ANYHTHING!