I have so many emotions wrapped up inside of me right now, they are just churning around.

The list is long:
ANGER......so angry at my husband for the final straw with his not communicating....it wasn't just 6 months ago that the letter from the IRS was received about the back taxes we owe, it was 11 months ago....so he minimizes everything so that is doesn't sound so bad. I would never be friends with someone who treats me like that....no way will I ever stay married to a person who I wouldn't even have as a friend.

SAD.....realizing all the time I wasted trying to give him another chance because maybe I was just being to. realizing my dreams for my future are going to have to be changed. We fanticise about how we would like things to really be if things were the way they were supposed to be....accepting that is will never be that way is sad. Knowing that there is NO HOPE for the future of the marriage.

FOOLISH.....that I ever believed that he could change & that my married life could ever be a good marriage.....that I would listen his BS .& not listen to my gut feelings that kept telling how stupid he really is

LONELY......it's hard being alone without anyone around to talk to when you have been used to talking to someone (even if I was the one doing the talking & not him). It really hits hard when yesterday was my birthday & the only person I talked to was my daughter on the phone. There is no one to share the deer in the back yard with, or the pretty snow floating down outside the window, or the the warm fire in the fireplace. I think it hits a bit harder when it was just 3 years ago in January when my Mother died....just another reminder of how alone I really am in this world. Sadly, I am the kind of person who likes to talk....that made being around someone who didn't communicate all that much worse. He would talk...no problem, just not about anything important or about things that mattered to anyone else except himself & mostly even about things that didn't even matter to him either.

STRESSED.....too many things to do & not enough time or money...need to put in a new furnace in the house & new hot water heater.....the propane gas cost me over $650 & I was only in the house 11 of those days.....just found out my propane bill this month is $854,,,,,OMG.

EXHAUSTED.....I have so many things I'm trying to do all by myself & was used to having a bit of help even if I had to fight for it. It's exhausting trying to do everything in a huge house & I don't even have the rest of my farm to take care of yet....how exhausted am I going to be then? I get going on a project & stay up all night trying to finish it....then, where did the night go.....I crash during the day & work through the night.....my energy is backwards when it finally does show up.

ENJOYING THE BEAUTY....Have to say I just looked out the window & IT'S SNOWING huge flakes of snow......this is a real snow storm today....not just the flurries we get sometimes...will only get 1-3 inches, but that will still cover the ground in white. If is wasn't feeling like staying warm, I would go play in the snow with my little white doggies....build an american eskimo snowman dog. Looked at weather.com & almost all of KY is covered by snow....I needed the peaceful floating snow to calm down my anxiety right now....it's much better than taking meds....lol.

I think I could look at the list that PC has for moods & probably 90% would be a bit of what I am going through right now.

Too Much Information....sorry,
Debbie