I've been married for 35 years. From Day #1 my husband never wanted to do anything or go anywhere except to yard sales and an occasional movie (never to dinner before the movie, though). Wow

We had two children and while we were raising them they were my company. I was very involved as a mom and my kids and I had great times together. I was also close to my own mom...she and I would take my children places and it was great. My husband's attitude was hurtful, but I put it on the back burner.

But, my resentment simmered. We had had a great sex life, but I began to feel very resentful that the only thing he seemed to want me for was to fix meals, clean the house, do his laundry, and have sex. Our sex life started suffering badly.

Before I knew it the kids were teens and had their own things going on. They were extremely involved with school and social activities, very normal. My mom died. I felt so alone. I spoke with my husband about it many times.We went to marriage counseling. Nothing worked, nothing changed. Well, that is - I worked to make changes; my husband didn't do a damned thing.

Pretty soon I met a man and was very charmed by him. One night he kissed me. We started having an affair. For the first time in my adult life I was with a man who gave me very positive attention, and lots of it. We traveled. We were extremely attracted to each other; it was palpable. My husband didn't even seem to notice. Or maybe he did, but felt guilty for being a lousy husband (he was). My affair with the man lasted for 3 years...some things changed geographically....the relationship had to end.
My husband was the same....no different than ever.

Not 3 months later I met another man. This time the man was absolutely amazing to me. He loved me, he cared about me, he protected me, he cherished me. I felt adored. My kids had gone to college and all I had besides a part-time job was time. This man and I had SO much fun together, everything we did was joyful.

One day, I had had enough of my husband. I had so lost respect for him and felt such bitterness toward him that I could hardly be in a room with him. He and I agreed to split up. He moved out, my boyfriend moved in.
And everything went to hell. Once the reality of paying bills and all the daily grind stuff happened, my bf and I began arguing and so on. I began to realize that divorcing my husband was not a good idea for security reasons. Plus, my husband and I had remained good friends - especially once we had space from each other.

Boyfriend and I ended up being together for 12 years. When it ended, the end was a disaster. Really, really bad.

I moved to the town in which my husband was living, although we both knew that living together was not a good idea. So I have my own nice little apartment that I share with my precious cat family. My husband and I are best friends. If I want to do something fun I either do it alone or with my daughter (now a married woman).

I grieve for the days when I had a man in my life to have fun with, a man who adored me, I adored him, and so on. But. It is what it is. I love my apartment and honestly, I don't mind living alone at all, as long as I have my cats with me.

The reason I'm telling you this story is because.....eventually, when one partner is not ever getting her/his needs met and feels abandoned and terribly lonely, that person is ripe for meeting and seeing someone who will provide some attention and joy. Unfortunately, those types of situations very, very seldom end well. A whole lot of people get hurt, badly.

From what you've written, I am concluding that you are in a pretty desperate situation in your marriage. Have you had a conversation with your husband about how you feel, how alone you feel? Do you have children? Do you ever feel like just getting in the car and driving until you find a place where life looks more sparkly?

Will your husband agree to therapy and marriage counseling? Because I'll be honest: Your marriage needs it.
I wish you the very best. You deserve it. You probably don't believe me, but you do deserve the best.