Quote:
Originally Posted by Psychtrea
Sorry for the delay of my response here; I've been out of town!
I currently have a male therapist however I'm not sure he has the experience to really help me in this regard; I may consider looking into someone else who specializes in this area. The idea of group therapy is a bit intimidating and embarrassing to me but I suppose it's a an option.
I think you are likely right with regards to getting outside of myself. Volunteering and being more social in general seem like they could be a good idea to get out of my own head. I also get your point when it comes to my ability to communicate and be friendly with women. It seems like it should be an asset. I feel like it ultimately sort of goes to waste though when I'm unable to connect with women romantically/sexually. That's the real fundamental issue. I am more than capable of developing friendships with women but it never leads elsewhere.
It just hurts a lot to see how my peers have the ability to get other people to love them and want them while I do not. I don't really know how to adequately describe my pain save to say that it is deep. And I don't say that flippantly or while actively trying to be a victim. I think it's just hard for me to shake after so many years of rejection while being constantly reminded publicly of other people's success.
But I'll keep working at it. Thanks guys.
|
You have a male therapist and you don't think he can help you with the concept of manhood and manliness? Then I question how competent he is. My point about connecting with women on the 'friendly' level is that when the moment isn't sexual, and c'mon, out of 24 hours in a day,
most moments are not, that ability to get along with women is a bonus and the stuff of which good relationships are made.
Anyone can find a hookup. Anyone can get married, too. People who have been alone all their lives are shocked and upset when I say that. But listen to the rest of that idea: "if they set their standards
low enough". I guarantee you that some of these
wonderfully happy couples you are seeing --well, behind closed doors you would not want their relationship.
Love isn't a competition. There is something in what you are saying here: "It just hurts a lot to see how my peers have the ability to
get other people to love them and want them while I do not."
This would be another concept I would tell the therapist I wanted to work on
specifically. Are you an active participant in your therapy? Could it be the therapist isn't getting enough information from you to understand what your goals are?
Do you have a pet? I see young people meet up daily to exercise their dogs.
You mentioned you might find group therapy embarrassing and/or intimidating--but have you thought you might be helpful to someone else? In addition to taking away something useful for yourself?
I think you have good material inside yourself to offer to a relationship. Keep going; open up to your therapist and if he is not the right one for you, find another. He shouldn't be offended.
Another idea is to ask one of your men friends what they think of your interactions with women.
I hope this has been helpful.