Quote:
Originally Posted by satsuma
Scarlet, I hear what you're saying. I know that it is quite reasonable, and important, for Ts to need to take a break. It is the change from doing something for you (having contact) to then not doing it which is bound to have an impact. I would also feel upset and destabilised by something like this.
I know there have been other things you posted about this T where I thought that I wouldn't be able to work with her, that her approach wouldn't work for me personally, but I think you were very clear that you thought this T was a lot more helpful than other Ts you had seen and that her approach was working for you. I'm just mentioning it because it might be helpful to bring to mind that "big picture". Is this a "rough moment" with a T who has helped you make real strides forward with the issues you wanted to address. Or is it a T relationship that is not really working for you overall.
I'm sorry you had this upsetting thing and I hope you can take good care of yourself  |
Thank you. You're right. It's the change, not the actual fact she wants her vacation to herself. Logically, I get that she needs time away from work. I mean, she deals with people's problems all week long. I could barely stand my sister for 2 days. And I know my T loves her job and she cares about me. If she didn't care she wouldn't have allowed contact during vacations the past 3 years, and she probably wouldn't have given me the stuffed animal. And she originally wanted to fully terminate at 2 years, but we're at 3 years now and she says she won't leave me. You're right that she has helped me a ton. Without her, I don't think I'd be alive. And I'm stronger because of her. I wouldn't have been able to set boundaries with my sister this week.
It just hurts real bad. And it still feels personal since I'm the only client that got this "perk" and then it taken away. If all her clients had contact with her when she's on vacation, and then all of us had it taken away, then it wouldn't feel like it's me. But it is me. She doesn't want to take her work on vacation, and I was the only work she had on vacation. Therefore it is personal. So it's not just the change that's upsetting, it's that I'm the only one getting punished.
Just an added note: I'm safe. I no longer have SH or SUI thoughts thanks to my meds and my T. And I've been pretty good at staying calm nowadays. I have been crying on and off since my session. But I'm okay. Still plan on going through my not so much fun week ahead of me.