Quote:
Originally Posted by magicalprince
I hate to admit this to myself but I’m still dissociating really bad. I have gone through two unsuccessful dissociation therapists and one really damaged me by abandoning me when I had an intense attachment. The one after that just plain didn’t help, I don’t know.
There’s no other therapists in my area that do dissociative disorders and none that really look trustworthy anyway and my trust has been worn extremely thin in the first place.
When I was abandoned by my first therapist it was only a number of weeks after some severe inner changes which to this day I still have not really made sense of. There is another part of me that blocks me from knowing anything about myself and genuine communication isnt feeling possible without outside help. Anyway after that everything just shut down. I have been feeling like I’m locked out of my own body and emotions. It is very stressful. I feel like I’m running on empty a lot of the time.
I hate to admit it but I really don’t know what to do and I really don’t feel like I have it together. Now I’m going through some significant life changes pretending that this dissociation is not a thing and I’m worried that I’m just going to make all the wrong choices anyway. 
I just feel like I’m getting too old for this. My 20s will only last so much longer. I can’t afford to lose like another 10 years to dissociation. I need this time to count for something more. Yet I’m afraid I will end up trying to force it and get sent back to square one.
Argh, it sucks. It feels like I can never win, it’s like a game where the difficulty keeps suddenly increasing every time I think I’m getting used to it.
Sometimes I just break down and start crying out of nowhere. I feel so alone and it’s like there’s a wall between me and other people and also a wall between me and my own self I can’t express myself to people, it hurts |
I am sorry you are having a hard time.
you stated genuine communication is not possible with out a treatment provider....
question.... what do you mean or what do you expect a treatment provider to do that you can not do.....
examples of communicating with alters in my location......
thinking inside... this is where each in the system thinks something and others think back.... I would think..... I wonder what Rainy is afraid of.... then rainy would think I am afraid of thunder.
hearing voices is just a natural part of being DID. this is something a treatment provider in the USA does not help create, or help people with DID to do. its just a matter of how the brain works, every human being automatically thinks either out loud or to their self or in DID cases to each other.
maybe you can think to your alters and they can think back to you
drawing..... even way back before I was 5 years old and with my very first box of crayons, markers and access to pencils and pens pictures got drawn, things like little sentences, made up books, journals, cards, letters got done. this is a way to communicate with alters. therapists dont create or teach this, it just happens.
maybe you can sit down with a pen and paper or laptop or with crayons, markers or pencils and write, draw and maybe those alters who know how to write, draw or type can do it back to you.
my point is only you and your alters knows what ways each of you talk, write, draw, think. thats what is called genuine communication with alters here where I am.