Quote:
Originally Posted by Patagonia
So let’s chalk this up to an experience then. You know you do this & know the warning signs for the next time. There will b next times too. Please don’t use such harsh limits on yourself. There’s a learning curve to all this & that’s ok. We all get burned & feel like crap afterwards. You know now what you need & what you like. Every experience will get you closer to what you desire.
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But what if it doesn't? What if I've already had the best I'm ever going to find? What if the universe says "no more. You've messed up everything and you should be all alone."
I'm really deserving of a lot of karma-slapping. I've been a terrible person and continue to eff it all up regularly. I'm having very calm thoughts of simply putting myself out like a light that's broken. I should be afraid of those thoughts, but I'm not. I'm ok with being at my end, or not being there. I exist to eventually die, as we all do.
I'm fighting the idea of staying sober right now by cooking food I really like. It's a dish that I enjoy but I don't think my ex ever did. She'll be over in about 4 hours.