i think i can't even feel that stuff yet because my parents are still alive and i am still fearful of him coming after me or killing me.

sometimes i do get really angry - and i did write him an email once (in the middle of an ongoing fight) saying " you know what you did to me, my mom, my pets, friends, his own mom,,." that didn't go over very well, he denied everything.

i think when he dies (if ever) there will be many swear words strung together from the anger that lives deep within me.

good luck on your journal