With the level of guilt and self loathing I'm carrying right now, I don't trust things to ever get better. There's no lifting these burdens. And ffs, nobody give me any religion on this, it makes me question your motives. Church is a place where I distrust everyone and everything they say, because I was regularly beaten up, bullied, and developed quite the attitude of "let's see how many sins I can check off the list while I'm here, because they make me go here"