I agree. I expressed the same thought in the first version of my post. Then I thought that since Alden's current therapist fully validated Alden's experience then may be she would not be inclined to be protective of her colleague. But now, I think, that this might be a little naive to think that. People are complex and can have contradictory feelings about the same thing. It's quite possible that Alden's current therapist is sincerely outraged by what the abusive therapist did, but that doesn't necessarily feel right to her to get involved. And while I do believe that, it often happens due to cowardice, this might not be the only explanation. If she is that therapist's long time colleague, there might still be some loyalty at play here, actually quite a bit of loyalty. Remember, we all feel loyal and attached to friends, family, colleagues, and, even when we know very well that they did something wrong, we don't necessarily run to authorities the next day to report them. This may not have anything to do with cowardice. Even if we confronted that person and aren't on speaking terms with them, it still doesn't feel right to us to "turn them in" so to speak. We still may cherish the history of our relationship with that person and don't want to throw that in the trash even if we believe that what they did was reprehensible. This is a perfectly human thing to feel.

I, in fact, once considered working with some guy who was my abusive therapist's long-term colleague but I dropped the idea immediately. He told me upfront that he was not willing to write ANYTHING for the board and, what's more, he didn't even validate my experience. He said that he "supports" me but was unwilling to accept that what happened to me was abuse or to call a spade a spade so to speak. I just thought that it was unethical of him to be willing to work with me with that kind of attitude. If i didn't believe that my colleague did something wrong I'd refer their former client elsewhere. I wouldn't work with them. It's understandable when you trust your long time colleague, who may also be a friend, more than you trust the claims of someone you've never met before. But, in that case, you should refuse to work with them. It's disgusting when you stay loyal to the person I complain about and yet continue to see me for your business purposes.

I think, it's also important to be mindful a.k.a honest about our own intentions in those situations when we seek further assistance from the therapist who has known our abusive therapist for a long time, Why them out of all professionals? The common sense would suggest that they would be the least likely person to be supportive of us. Then why? I can honestly tell you why I did it now that I can reflect on things. At that time, I did it to ruin my abusive therapist's reputation among his colleagues. I don't judge myself for that intention when I look back. I don't feel ashamed about it in any way. After all I was not slandering him. I was telling the truth. He really did what I said he'd done. So, I don't see anything immoral in my desire to expose him. But was it serving my own best interests? Nope. Because it did nothing to heal my own wounds.

So true. I cannot stress enough how important it is to be honest with yourself about your true intentions. I am happy that I understood the importance of this before I filed a complaint. After I did some soul-search, I realized that I wanted to make my reporting a healing experience for myself, which meant that I was willing to completely let go of the outcome of it. I didn't want to see myself being re-traumatized in case the board would clear my abusive therapist of any wrongdoing. I didn't want to see myself fighting for justice for the rest of my life. I had family to attend to and I still wanted to make the best out of whatever time was left for me on this planet. Not that I was old or that I am old now, but I was no longer a young chick either. I became acutely aware of how short our life is and that if I wanted to have a sense of its meaning I'd better get my priorities right and I'd better do it now.

So, I decided to report just for the sake of reporting not for the sake of punishing anyone. I knew that I needed to report. It felt 100% right to do that. I felt very empowered when I finally mailed my complaint which took me 6 months to write. My healing action was complete when I sent the complaint out. I firmly set my mind on not being emotionally invested in the outcome. I didn't want my emotional well-being to be dependent on what some board bureaucrat would decide. I thought if they disciplined him that'd be a bonus, but if not I was not going to allow it to affect my life. Would I have been upset if they hadn't punish him? Yes. Upset but not devastated and not re-traumatized like many people whose complaints were unsuccessful. I knew I would move on with my life no matter what the board decided.

I know Alden that you have filed a complaint already. At this point, just decide how much you want to invest your emotional energy into the outcome and into fighting for justice in general. There is a cliche saying that we often need to decide if being happy is more important for us than being right. In our cases, it translates into deciding if healing is more important for us than finding justice and societal validation. I know that for many people it feels like they cannot heal unless and until justice is served and, to some extend, I can understand it. It does help when some public agency like a licensing board or a court of law that represents the society finds your abuser guilty of the wrongdoing. It's very validating. I wish, the public was more aware of this issue and more victims received justice. But we are not that evolved yet and there is a long way to go in that direction. Most importantly, though, is that if deep down you feel crappy about yourself no amount of societal justice would make you feel better. I've known people who were able to strip their abusive therapists off their licenses and sued them successfully for damages. But that didn't bring them any healing. They continued to stalk their abusers, their families, their girlfriends etc...It was tragic and very sad to watch. Those people were looking for healing outside of themselves. They believed that some external circumstances would heal them such as a successful lawsuit, a disciplinary action from the licensing board, the abuser's loss of employment or loss of business or loss of family. But external events don't heal. Healing happens inside through inner work when people get the courage to look within, which was apparently a very terrifying proposition for those people...