Hi. Sorry I just need to get this out.

I'm getting quite down.
I have BDD, OCD + Avoidant personality disorder. And went through childhood emotional neglect.

I'm completely isolated. I have friends but I avoid seeing them... I haven't had any treatment for my AVPD as I only got diagnosed yesterday.
So that reduces my support network to my family.

Both my parents have personality disorders and are alcoholics.
My sister has serious issues. God knows what but I've cut her out of my life as she's vindictive cruel and doesn't appear to care if I live or die.


My father is a sadistic malignant narcissist. I for some reason don't have the heart to cut him out of my life even though he's the main reason I'm so unwell.

Asides from cbt for my anxiety disorders
My strategy to deal with all of this has been drugs and alcohol. Meds don't work for me...
I recently quit drinking. So now I'm facing this all with Crystal clarity - not even remotely beneficial to me. I just want to be passed out drunk drugged. Anything but this.

I have no food in. I'm housebound. Im hungry but don't care enough about myself to remedy it.
I don't have any hope today. Everything feels futile.
I'm not even angry. Just resigned.