We discussed everything, including my fighting walking into fast traffic. I don't feel much or even at all better, but I don't think I deserve better either. I'm a terrible person. I'm about to do the exact same stupid thing I did last night, because I can't stand the thought of being alone right now. I'd take abuse over alone, even though she hasn't been abusive in a long time. I don't trust her, but I will f her.