I'll be honest in saying I spent lurking their communities for quite a while, out of my interest for not even the lack of success at sexual or romantic experiences (which I've had), but more for their unique essentialist, fatalistic views on life as well as myself feeling chronically repressed by more orthodox, positive paradigms.

It feels different to read something else other than self-oppression when you've been depressed for years and you get bored of being told what should you blame yourself for, and how and why should you rectify it.

I do not see myself as one of them and I do not condone their poor moral argumentation, their violent, misogynistic rhetoric, their overall disregard for others, yet I think it's very interesting to inquire on their views of responsibility and what one thinks others control and what they actually do.

I get resonant vibes when they feel condescended by most generic advice and platitudes, for example. I can sense many of them have actually tried things, yet they failed. And it feels really weird the automatic response is to assume they're to blame themselves for poor application instead of being actually conditioned by circumstances beyond human control.

Also, it's polemic for me to tell any other adult which responsibilities he/she should endorse and which one is he/she neglecting. It s a delicate exercise of power that has brought me humiliation (since telling what a person controls and what not is a really delicate point) I don't wish to cause upon others, to the point I'd rather ignore and move on from such a person no matter its behavior. I expect they either give meaning to their own morals (considering change often comes in forced ways that can't be attributed to people, an idea incels themselves would endorse) or get excluded from society, instead of promoting a normative moral code. I think it's really hard to trust someone who gives advice he/she's not willing to self-question but impose as an morally idoneous, normative lecture.

I've kept an skeptic stance on the stoicist nature they seem to reject as well, from my own political concerns, yet I can't accept or identify with their arbitrary, circumstantial justifications. It's a real weird feeling I've been trying to articulate in the best way in this post, yet I struggle at it. I feel anxious and uncertain standing in between two positions; one full of violence and despair (incels), and one normative, arrogant one in answer to it.