Quote:
Originally Posted by benzenering
I am a recovering alcoholic (got sober in March) and she feels that I neglected our relationship for the past 10 years. That is true. I explained to her, however, that I cannot change the past, I can only do better in the future. After her lengthy diatribes, I stopped it by telling her that I am focusing on my own happiness (for once in my life) and all this was not to be part of it.
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From what you wrote, it sounds like what hurts her is not the separation with your husband but, rather, the neglect over the past ten years. If she’s only 25, ten year ago she was still a child living at home. By telling her “that you can’t change the past,” that probably sounds to her like you are not willing to acknowledge the last or listen to her explain how it affected her. She knows you can’t change it, but in order for her to heal she may need to tell you how it affected her and have you simply listen without being defensive or shutting her down. Even if parents try their best, sometimes the things they do/don’t do hurt their kids and kids (even adult ones) usually just want to be heard and understood. If you expressed a willingness to listen to her and acknowledge her feelings, that may go a long way towards healing your relationship. As the parent, it’s probably good for you to reach out and take the first step.