my t asked me to do mapping of they system -which i brought in. but one on there is "censor" and i forgot to remind her not to talk to censor specifically... which she darn near did. there was a lot of scrambling internally because i thought there was going to be a censor lock down. I (host) got shoved out and everyone was coming and going at top speed while what came out of my mouth was like a hissing sound trying to warn t to stop talking. it was a scary moment for us. we've had a complete censor lock down before where we couldn't talk or move for 30-40 minutes. i don't want another one of those. t quickly realized it was a mistake and did some back paddling with humor and talking directly to host (me) until i could come back. but it has interrupted the workings of the system for the night. as t called it she "stepped on a landmine"... but i'm the one who feels the effects. the littles were especially scared and jumpy the rest of the night - even here at home. very moody, crying, parts are threatening to do harm... what a night. i should just crawl into bed - but i also don't want to be alone right now. it took 2.5 hours away from therapy just to process all this tonight.
reaching out.....