I have ocd over this problem. like I feel like I could be attracted to them, and I am paranoid about people thinking I am a monster. there isn't really porn for this sort of thing, well there is but I refuse to look up pornography as it will be exploiting people of that age. so I don't quite know how to deal with this? I guess I mainly just look at pictures of girls those ages and sometimes look at the school girls who walk down my road when they aren't looking. it's weird because the motivation has often been more like a fascination rather than sexual preference, I guess I am constantly trying to test myself and see how much this turns me on, so I can question my sexuality. I know I am not going to act on this but I have run through my head fantasy scenario's where a girl of that age would become friends with me and seduce me and knowing that this fantasy turns me on makes me uncomfortable and carries some guilt. this isn't my only sexual interest so in some ways it is easier to manage than if it was my sole preference. whenever the word peadophile comes up I become incredibly uncomfortable because to the general public this is peadophilia. I have never had sexual thoughts for children that are under the age of puberty that I know of, but I get ocd around children because of this paranoia that I think I am a monster and that others think I am a monster.
how do other people with similar thoughts deal with these issues?