Wow Laura, you seem to have put the whole mystery of it so succinctly, in that it doesn't seem to be reality based at all. That is scary. But ironically, that scary aspect of it all ends up being the door behind which so many answers to life lie.

For me it was a lifetime of behaving strangely, assuming that how I felt was in some way rooted to how things were, before I became so bizarro that it was obvious even to me that something more was in play than real response to real life. The revelation it has been to find that my inner scape can shift on its own is nothing less than a life saver. To have discovered this before your 21st birthday sets you head and shoulders above the pack in my eyes.

Good that you're seeing a "t" and good that you're here. Your capacity for insight will serve you well.