I'm sorry you are having all of this difficulty. Much of it is certainly familiar to me too. You mentioned your therapist discharged you because she believed you were "well enough" & you agreed because you wanted to get away from the feelings you'd developed for her. My personal opinion is that this may have been unfortunate (although probably not unusual.)

I think the better way to have handled this would have been to have discussed, with your therapist, the feelings you were having. Assuming your T was experienced & skilled, she would have understood what was happening & would have known how to help you work your way through it & beyond. Of course, if your therapist was not experienced & skilled (which her discharging of you because she thought you were "well enough" kind-of suggests to me) then she might well not have known what to do.

Regardless, at this point, you are without a therapist it sounds like to me. But you're still dealing with a lot of mental & emotional confusion. So my thinking, with regard to this, would be that perhaps the thing to do would be to find yourself a new therapist with whom you can continue to work on your concerns. My best wishes to you...