At a young age of 12-13 years old, I was sexually molested by a trusted family member. He thought it was time for me to learn about sex. He made me watch porn with him before school. He made me do unmentionable things to myself as well as to him. The abuse started out as simple touching but then progressed to more sexual acts. Thankfully, he never got to the point of raping me.

When all the abuse was happening, he'd make me promise not to tell anyone in exchange for junk food/candy. Being taught to respect authority, I agreed. This abuse went on for weeks. Then one night he got caught with me performing a sexual act on him and he was made to leave the house.
The next day after school, I stayed in my room and cried. I kept thinking about what had happened to me and how it was my fault for letting him do what he did to me. My thoughts raced through my head...How could this have happened? Why did he do this to me? And then I started hating myself, my body, and hating the fact that I didn't stop this when I should have.

I've heard of all these stories of childhood sexual abuse, but never thought that I would one day be a victim of it as well. Everything that happened and what I was thinking was taking its toll on me. I began to become more introverted and kept to myself. I slowly stopped doing classwork/homework. I even started talking to my friends less and less. My life was crashing around me fast.

I'm now 24 and this trauma still affects me. It's because of the trauma that I've developed trust issues and social anxiety. But what really confuses me is that come nighttime I crave intense sex/sexual gratification. It's like my body needs it, like it's a part of its survival. I've bought myself toys in order to take some of the edge off, but it's like nothing works to ease my urges. I don't want to believe it's a full-fledged sex addiction, but on the otherhand I know that there is something wrong with the way I have these intense urges. This isn't normal, and I don't know what to do...