I'm guessing that if your husband's childhood traumas are being unearthed as a result of his double life that marriage and individual therapy are occurring?

Would the revelation of his mother's overbearing clinginess to your husband absolve him of his errors? Certainly it sounds like a piece of the puzzle, at the same time, he's a grown man making choices and decisions of his own free will.

Coping with betrayals is a day to day, often moment to moment experience.

I see this is your first post. After 5, posts come out of moderation. I hope you find the support that you need.