***trigger***

I don’t think bipolar is the only problem with your father.

My mother was like that—she beat me and kicked me down the basement stairs on my 10th birthday just because I asked where my birthday cake was? She had always gotten me one before, and we were wealthy at this point (we had a crazy existence—sometimes wealthy, sometimes poor). She said I was fat and ugly, and she hated me, wished she and I were both dead...so forget about a birthday cake and presents.

She blew at me weekly like this, and holidays, especially Christmas were dangerous days especially in my teen years. She would have physical screaming fights with my stepfather. When I was in my late 30s, the police told me my stepfather called them a lot because she would not stop attacking him, and he would be bloody with welt marks when they showed up. She would be a maniac throwing things and screaming...

I had problems with her assaulting others too (getting into disputes with people).

So yes, when she wasn’t having these fits, she could be a loving person. She put me through college and bought me a house.

She was bipolar, schizophrenic, really paranoid, she was depressed, constantly anxious (often screaming, “I’m so nervous!!”). She had a very extreme case of borderline personality disorder. She had a raging temper she couldn’t control. She claimed that she didn’t remember anything about beating anyone. Her social worker told me she believed her. I don’t know if she really had amnesia. She was a big liar and never felt any remorse, because she never did anything wrong!! She believed she was perfect and the most beautiful person and people, strangers, showed up wherever she went because of her. Frankly, she also fits narssistic personality disorder too.

I never understood which diagnosis was the reason for her to assault people in her rage attacks, which could happen at *any* time, not during a specific period of mania. Anyone or anything could set her off at anytime. How can this be bipolar?? Bipolar is episodic.

The only med that resolved her rage attacks was a hefty dose of the drug orap (this is important—orap is an antipsychotic). She was on a fistful of other drugs too. Nothing resolved her depression. She made a suicide attempt that could have done her in, and six years later she completed suicide. They had tried many, many drugs but nothing touched her depression.

Anyway, I’m bipolar, and I do not do beat people no matter what stage of bipolar I’m in. My daughter has never been spanked. I do not even swat my cats. Never. I’m a classic type I bipolar.

I think you should look at personality disorders and talk to the doctor if he has behavior patterns that fit those too.

My mom refused therapy that I think would have helped her with rage—like DBT therapy.