It’s ok, I’ve taken my cyber stalking pretty far too. I found his Facebook, his wife’s Facebook, his PhD thesis and all sorts of things, like articles written about his partner and her important job, places they’ve lived etc. I feel guilty for doing it, but at the same time the more I find out the more I want to know, the more questions I have. I’m not proud of it, in fact I feel like an intrusive weirdo but part of me also likes it. My paternal transference has gotten pretty intense recently so I tend to put him on a pedestal. By extension I’ve also started to put his wife on a pedestal and now I’m obsessed with this woman I have never even met. I would never act on it, obviously, but I find her fascinating and I want to know more about her and I basically think she’s amazing (her career is in a field that interests me as well, which doesn’t help the obsession). I just want them to adopt me haha.

In all seriousness though, it does make me feel extremely uncomfortable, knowing all this. The poor guy doesn’t even know that I know he’s married, let alone who his wife is! In fact, she works pretty close to where I live and the idea of running into her on the street makes me want to hide in a bush. Even knowing who she is makes me feel
guilty...especially because there’s no direct link between her and my T on the internet, so my “digging” went pretty deep and a few educated assumptions later, I found myself knowing more than I should.

I could NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS disclose this to t...I genuinely think he’d terminate me and that thought terrifies me. I also think he values his privacy so he wouldn’t take kindly to this level of “research”. Which is why I stopped doing it. Doesn’t change the fact that I already know too much though.