feileacan, if you don't mind me asking: How does/did your therapist go about 'going beyond' the obvious on the outside?

I'm asking because for me (and my therapists) all attempts to get behind the upfront persona are incredibly painful and frustrating. I cannot get hold of myself in there, it's not that I don't want to talk about it, I simply cannot get in touch most of the time, and if I do, it's extremely unpleasant.

For me it feels as if this core inside is surrounded by some incredibly strong magnetic force, which results in repulsing all things trying to get closer beyond a certain stage. It results in both me and T being catapulted through the air and experiencing some hard landing, again and again.

I don't know what it takes to get through this. Current T says: Accepting where we're at. Time. Patience. And very gradually easing our way forward. Me trying to hold the connection despite all the unpleasantness that surrounds this. Her offering support while I'm trying to hold the connection. Maybe my innermost core realising with time that there's no reason any longer for those incredibly strong self-defences? Dunno. Any insight would be deeply appreciated. Thx.