I slipped back a little last session when I got hung up about our relationship again. I sent emails after the session about my heart hurting because our relationship isn't mutual. I also wrote again that I want to die because of my physical pain.

She asked me to call her so I did. She said I'm not physically or emotionally well now. I agree. So she's looking for a group. She says nothing changed in our relationship. She's a professional and my T. She cares about me and feels love for me, but it's not about her and me, but about my connections in real life. Sometimes I try to forget that because she's so warm and friendly. It does hurt my heart though I know she's right.

Mostly we've been discussing my physical health in sessions. I see the geriatric psychiatrist next week. I hate meds! Trying to adjust to gabapentin for the second time because I need it for my sciatic pain.

Not sure what I want from this thread. No one can help.