Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
I slipped back a little last session when I got hung up about our relationship again. I sent emails after the session about my heart hurting because our relationship isn't mutual. I also wrote again that I want to die because of my physical pain.
She asked me to call her so I did. She said I'm not physically or emotionally well now. I agree. So she's looking for a group. She says nothing changed in our relationship. She's a professional and my T. She cares about me and feels love for me, but it's not about her and me, but about my connections in real life. Sometimes I try to forget that because she's so warm and friendly. It does hurt my heart though I know she's right. 
Mostly we've been discussing my physical health in sessions. I see the geriatric psychiatrist next week. I hate meds! Trying to adjust to gabapentin for the second time because I need it for my sciatic pain.
Not sure what I want from this thread. No one can help. |
I go through cycles of wanting more from my therapist and accepting the relationship for what it is. It's helped at times to remember the cyclical nature of the longing when it's especially strong. Also having my therapist normalize and welcome my longing as healthy attachment striving - along with acknowledging that she can't meet those needs for me.
She also gently directs me around how to meet my own needs. I still struggle with wanting her to meet them, but it feels ok to try to team up, so to speak, to meet my needs together.
Sending warm thoughts ❤️