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Originally Posted by feileacan
Maybe what I wrote was ambiguous and you misunderstood me a bit? I did not mean that my T has found a great way of helping me heal quickly (because I don't think it's even possible). Rather I meant that we don't really fight that much anymore[....]
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No I didn't look for the instant healing. I was curious because I was simply wondering how you and your T might navigate around those problems. Not necessarily to copy, b/c yes, therapy is something highly indvididual, but because it might give some input in the sense of "there are things that have worked for others in a similar situation"..
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Also, a big part of it is something I just wrote today in another thread that he has relaxed the requirement for me to fill the space because either I can't do it or I do it in a superficial way.[...]
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I read what you wrote in the other thread, and I can identify very much with this, that when this void or empty space takes hold, things don't start moving or happening for me, but become impossible because of dissociation and those unbearable feelings.
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Also, he has become quite good understanding when I'm presenting the intellectual half-me and not going along with it at the same time not insisting that I have to somehow magically bring the other part into the room.
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That is brilliant, that your T is so perceptive and gets it when you're intellectualizing and yet gives you enough space and doesn't put pressure on you...
For me it's not so much the intellectualizing, but the fact that all of a sudden (?) I'm losing the connection to myself or to my feelings. It's as if someone (me??) has suddenly wiped everything out, and it's impossible for me (and for T as well) to re-establish a connection in those moments. Almost like a blown fuse... T notices when this is happening, we are both aware of those moments when this is happening, but it seems difficult if not impossible to get connected again. Me with myself. So T doesn't feel the connection either.
For me this goes along with panic and a feeling of imminent danger. It's some black hole energy...
I know all of this will take time. And a lot has changed already. I'm much more aware now of what is happening, than I was 2 or 3 years ago... So yeah. I guess things will change a bit more, eventually.