I'm sorry you are struggling with this. You know... I'm an old man now (well sort-of... it's complicated...) And I've been struggling alone for almost 70 years now. Yes, I am married. But, in a sense, that makes me even more alone than if I really were alone.

At this point, I've accepted there is no help. So I just keep doing what I've always done... putting one foot down after the other day-in & day-out. I am fortunate, at this point, I no longer have to go out & earn a living. That is a blessing. I have a routine I pretty-much follow every day. I don't really have to think too much about it. I just do it.

I don't SH anymore. Nor do I drink or use drugs. I simply live with the storm in my brain 24 / 7 / 365. And I strive to accept my circumstances with lovingkindness & compassion to the best of my ability. That's what life has come down to for me. That's what there is left. I guess perhaps it's like the old saying goes: "If you find yourself at the end of your rope, tie a knot & hang on."