For the last few weeks, I’ve been dating someone. It’s a long time since I’ve done this (a year and a half) for a few reasons – I have some anxiety regarding getting emotionally close to people (in a romantic sense) and I also have some issues with physical (sexual) contact in relationships. The first couple of weeks were actually pretty good and I thought I might have actually managed to move past some of the problems I’ve had previously. However I’ve started to feel the (sadly) familiar worries and stresses that I’ve felt before creeping back in. (I don’t know whether, on some level, my previous negative experiences are affecting me here and I’m just setting myself up to fail). I’ve also been dealing with several other stress-inducing events in my life (mentioned in another thread) – new job, not enough sleep etc. At the moment I’m feeling overloaded with everything and I could do with some time to just look after myself before I can look at having a relationship. It’s annoying, as we’ve really been getting along really well, but my brain won’t seem to let me stop worrying. A relationship/dating is supposed to be fun, but I can’t get myself to relax.

The issue is further complicated by the fact that this person comes from one of my friendship circles. We have a couple of hobbies in common and we would normally see each other in a social setting at least twice a week before we started going out together. I’m just concerned what effect this will have on things. I’d want to still have them in my life as a friend (although that’s obviously their choice), so I need to know how to handle this, so this doesn’t destroy the friendship group or make things *too* awkward between us. I want to be honest, but also respectful. I also don’t want our friends to hate me or take sides (or feel that they have to).

Another level of complexity comes from stresses that the person I’ve been seeing has been dealing with in their own life – in this case, being unemployed and trying to find a job. Obviously I wouldn’t to leave/take a step back from them while they’re under severe stress, but this issue doesn’t have a definite end date, so what do I do about this? I still care about them (more so now that we’ve been spending more time alone) and I’ll happily still be there for them in troubled situations (if they want), but I feel that I need a bit of space.

Simply put, I could do with some advice on knowing what to say and how much of the above to mention. I want to say I need a few weeks to get myself together before I can consider being with another person. This isn’t a guarantee and I don’t want to imply us getting together again is inevitable. Of course I don’t want to make the other person unhappy, but I feel I need to look after myself first. Does anyone have any thoughts? I could do with a response on this sooner rather than later if possible, but any responses are appreciated.

As usual, if there are any questions about something I haven’t explained clearly ask away.