I need to speak freely. Where's that dang trigger alert button?! I don't want to get in trouble.

TRIGGER

It's not as bad as others have expressed here, but it's bad for me and it's scaring me that I'm getting closer and closer to more serious self harm. Gestures, to scratches...ok, I've said it.

I'm feeling so guilty for getting that far and that makes me feel worse. I've been analyzing why I did/do this and other than the obvious things being too much, I wanted to feel something, I think I'm screaming out for attention. But not really??

See, I got upset when pdoc agreed that I might not have bipolar, and maybe i don't, but something is enough wrong with me that I get so upset and even frequently make gestures/have thoughts. Something is off balance and I can't get to that happy feeling anymore. Exercise that I've taken up again is helping, but i haven't gotten feeling good again yet...not enough to save my mind...but I really need to make some changes. Still gaining weight. I'm laying off the trailmix and adding my walking routine/ yoga on my better days. Hope all these things start working and soon!!