Quote:
Originally Posted by wanttolivebetter
I don't like to say it because it's a completely douchey thing to say, but I honest to God feel like I'm too smart for therapy a lot of the time, which ironically makes me feel really dumb because I can't figure out how to get my therapist to see past my defenses and "together" act I have perfected. I know how to present to others as someone who is handling life just fine. How much of an internal wreck I am only comes out in a handful of specific situations my therapist will never see. I don't do drugs, don't self harm, don't engage in any overly dramatic behavior, don't have wreckless spending habits or engage in risky sexual behaviors. I'm not needy or demanding as a client; my therapist never hears from me outside of sessions. There aren't really any obvious indicators that scream, "This person needs help!!" I'll sometimes tell my therapist I'm struggling with something, and she will straight up insist that I'm not and then say to trust her "objectivity" when I try to disagree. How does one get help if no one believes they have a problem?
|
I am in this same situation. I feel (and like you said, this is douchey I guess) that I am "too smart" for at least the mode of therapy I am in -- CBT doesn't work. I know how to identify my thoughts and how to react to them. I know how to identify my behavior.
My problem is, some sick part of my brain doens't WANT to do that. By the book, if I followed the instructions, I should be getting better. But I keep spiraling -- on purpose -- but because my T has seen me doing so well (she seriously thinks my most important issue is my perfectionism), she can't see that I'm an addict, I've almost died, I WANT to die. She can't see it and I'm not showing it.
So she insists if she could just help me learn to be less self-deprecating, I will get better. Sis doesn't know the half of it.