Thanks, Here Today. Maybe you're right? I'm not sure. I think my last T did care. I go back and forth, because there's something there that I miss (and I think it's that he was good at "caring loudly"). But, he also screwed up things... a lot. And was insanely expensive. And was kind of making things worse. Argh.

I think this T cares, and is a fairly genuine person. But there's something weird going on.

I *do* think it's cool though that she's the first one who's been willing to really talk about the "something weird going on" (and she can see the pattern too, when I tell her about my past therapists).

She said that there are points in our interaction where she feels awkward. Off. Not herself. And she's not sure why, or what to do about it. I'm not sure who's introducing the awkwardness (i.e. if she's reacting to me being "half present", or if I'm reacting to her being awkward?). Anyway, I guess it's good that we're talking about it..

Sigh - was looking at some old writing about Ts from long ago on my computer. That first T (who kicked me out) - I wrote, "he's not as patient as he thinks". LOL. I think a lot of them are like that - they *think* that they're super patient and understanding and exuding caring, but... no. Maybe I pick up on that (b/c I feel like I wear people, and therapists, out.)