I can relate, big time.

I had done all that for about 21 years and have been off meds for about a year and half and with the exception of 6 CBT-I appointments last summer (It worked so well, it is almost 2 AM here ) it has been well over a year since I have seen a pdoc or T. My list of psych meds that I have tried is pretty close to 30!


The results? Like you, the same. No better, no worse, just me and my issues plodding along. Nothing really helped my depression or psychosis. I do have side-effects that will likely never go away and a bigger list of temporary side-effects that ranged from painful to outright dangerous. Sure, I can smother my anxiety in enough benzos but that smothers me also. All that pain for nothing.

Even through the last year which was the worst year for me in easily 20 years. The brain tumor thing last summer, my grandson having severe mental issues(he is in a pediatric psych ward right now and it is breaking my heart), buying a house, the move out and in, the work with the house, etc, it has been a very very stressful year. I just added to it by being stupid and thinking that finding a friend would be a good idea, I am so dumb.


But mentally, I am the same. Now, I am not saying I will never go back to T or back on meds and am not advocating that everyone do that. Psych meds are really f'n dangerous and have painful side-effects, if they aren't helping what exactly is the point? Therapy is painful and in my case I think it makes things worse by talking about them every week, so what exactly is the point?

If the benefits outweigh the pain sure but if they do not? pfft I will take the suck without the added pain thank you.


It is not your fault. Psychiatry has an aversion to science and they don't look under the hood, so to speak. It is the rare pdoc that does blood work or functional brain scans so they are just guessing. When they guess right, yay. Everything pretty much works for the patient and they improve to varying degrees. When they guess wrong there is pain and no gains for the patient.


Please be very careful. Have your fiance keep an extra close eye on you and if you start declining, please be seen!