I'm to the point where I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired of fighting this that it's to the point where I just want to give up on all meds since they're not working anyway. Diagnosed with bipolar 14 years ago and when the h*ll does it get better? Am I medication resistant?

All I know is that I am going through extreme anxiety right now. This is new. I don't want to leave the house. It's not that I'm scared of leaving the house, it's just that when I get out in public among any people at all my anxiety levels go through the roof. I'm even anxious when I'm at home alone. It's causing muscle tension which is almost unbearable.

Anyway, do you think this is a symptom of mania? I'm on a low dose of lithium but it's not helping, nor is the clonazepam and I absolutely refuse to go above my prescribed dose of that. I know my pdoc can increase the lithium and I will do it, but I am afraid of possible kidney and thyroid problems. I can't take an antipsychotic because I developed tardive dyskenisia on my last one and I can never, ever go through that again.

Again, I just don't know what to do or where to turn. I'm seeing a new therapist on Thursday and I hope he can help. I've been to so many and none of them have really helped me at all.

I just don't have the strength any more. I just want to die, but I can't do that to my family. I guess I'm just looking for a listening ear right now.