Sounds like a good and powerful session, Daisy. Hope it's OK to comment on one thing.

Your T's comment about how you seem guarded/disconnected when you're scheduling and paying (which is very observant and insightful of him!) made me think about how I am with that. Like often when I'm paying (since T has to run my credit card, takes a minute or two), I'm just chatting with him about something lighter (occasionally I'll continue the conversation, but not usually). I think for the same reason you do it, that I then have to return to the outside world. He said recently how he has thought sometimes I was fine (whether with him, how the session went, emotionally, etc.) at the end of session, then would be surprised when I e-mailed him later or else expressed something at the next session that suggested I wasn't. And he wondered if maybe he was misreading me.

So now I'm wondering if it could partly be how I am right at the end, that I likely seem fine--it's a rare occasion that I'm still emotional when I walk out the door, though I sometimes start crying once I get in my car (or later that day). So maybe he's reading how I am then, when I'm trying to push the feelings back down and act like everything is fine, because, if I'm out of time, what's the point of letting him know then that I'm/they're not?

This might be something to bring up with him on Monday...because I also have a long history of pushing down my feelings, acting like things are fine. I still remember an acquaintance in high school commenting how I'm always smiling, and I kinda laughed to myself, because at the time, I was deeply depressed.