I can totally relate. So sick of waiting, hoping that one day I will snap out of it. So sick of the roller coaster emotions, thoughts and paranoia or anxiety. I have moments of clarity, but few and far between. I can cycle between 3-4 states of mind in a day most days. I keep thinking I will bump into the right person who will just give me some answers and tangible, practical solutions that really work.

Sometimes, I just sit and read the Psalms. It helps sometimes, at least when I can focus on it long enough. I think I have finally come to the conclusion that I will always be this way, yet hoping and knowing at the same time that I won't. But, at least I am not setting myself up for further disappointment. It's so hard sometimes, but then I look at you guys' posts and think to myself, what the world am I throwing such a pity party, but at the same time, I cannot control it and can't shut it up.

I don't know. Even though I had an okay day today, I am not as good now. I am just so exhausted from it all. I fear the "when" it will come back, knowing that it will, but hoping it doesn't. I hate myself when I give in, but in order to "process" these, I analyze over every angle. It really kind of sucks.