I understand, sinking. It's such a desperate and awful feeling, being in the grip of this compulsion.

I'm sure I don't need to tell you that those sites hold no solution (big hugs).

The key is probably to get to the heart of why you have developed this obsession with weight.

I'll say it as I see it, but of course this is just my opinion! I think perhaps you should be really honest with yourself about what's happening.

The mindset that you have moved into is essentially a phobia of fat.

It's tempting to use euphemisms, or complicate things, or escape into the fantasies of the pro ana sites. But that will just delay the day when you can get free of this horrible disorder.

It's other things, too, like self-harm, a cry for help, a disgust for your own physical needs etc

But that's the place to start, I think.

If you join a good ED recovery forum, you will learn so much about yourself, and never look back