Here Today - I totally agree.

It's really hard. And, it's even harder when you consider that some Ts might be competent with some issues, but not others, and the issue of personal "fit" (how well you and your T "mesh").

I don't know the answer either. It kind of feels like there's a subset of us that T's just don't know how to properly treat. And, it ends up being hurtful in the end. I'm not sure, going in, how one can possibly know if a T is going to be able to handle their issues (especially considering a lot of people have issues that they're not aware of until they get far along in therapy).

I think that a T "doing their own work" (i.e. seeing their own T) would be a good start - so that they can process what they need to, and not get overwhelmed by counter-transference. I want to think that older, more experienced Ts may have an edge here too - but I'm not sure. My last T definitely felt like he could handle it if I were to get angry at him... but I don't know if that was his age, his own personal therapy-work, or just his personality. He had a kind of tough/gruff demeanor (to me) that made therapy hard... but it definitely felt like, if I needed to tell him off, he could handle it and not be personally hurt/upset.

New T keeps telling me that she doesn't take things personally (because I hate having to tell her when something she's doing is making me feel worse). I still feel mean doing it though!