Quote:
Originally Posted by vafhj
Things like, how much of a bubble I used to live in when I was a kid. That there is no hiding from reality no matter how many defense mechanisms you develop. And as for my frenemies from 2012-2016, the latter was what exactly they taught me. In order to escape from the traumas that other people before them caused, I developed a mentality that I could do no wrong and everyone who told me otherwise was just a jealous hater. That's exactly the self-delusion they unraveled. Yes, they may have been abusive, but let's face it, I was bound to be disappointed anyway, it just so happened that they were the ones who disappointed me. I may still be angry and I may still be mentally asking them to drink bleach and die, but I'm just taking out my anger against reality on them. It's reality which I want to drink bleach and die, not them.
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Then it sounds like
grandiosity to me.
I suggest you to stop analyzing yourself. It leads to nowhere (unless you want what we call health anxiety which eventually develops -- my doctor is lying that I do not have amyotrophic lateral sclerosis and I will die in three years --) and seek professional help. I suggest you to first talk to your regular doctor about getting a referral to a psychiatrist. Then once evaluated you can be put on meds or be referred to a psychologist or both.