Background : I will turn 18 this December. Passed High School and now it's the time to enter college and do B.S. But I don't think I can or should do it.


I live in a very dysfunctional family. I do not in any way look normal nor do I perceive myself as a normal teenager. I have a lot of school issues. Like how was I supposed to go from home to college? Buses and taxis are not an option, my parents think I will be "wasting money." Daddy would tell me "We don't have money for that." I believe he is too damaged to realize there are other things in life that matter aside from money.


Nor do I think my education is worth the social stress I have to go through. Interact with people, complete lab records, do experiments. I am sure I will get yelled at because I couldn't do lab experiment/couldn't tell the answer of a question. Then come home somehow utterly scared and be told to study because "the more the better." I am on the brisk of losing whatever the sanity I have. I have to go through utter body exhaustion, perform the lab experiments and complete lab record and then do THEORY after coming home, instead of receiving the sleep I deserve.


I just cannot. People call me a freak and I sometimes think I am. I have no idea how to behave. I am lost in my disordered mind. There is the rest of my male class hitting on girls and riding geared bikes AND doing lab experiments while here I am, doing nothing, feeling nothing, devoid of any meaning in life.

One of my teachers told me I have to behave in a good manner because till now my teacher knew my plight and helped me, but not now, I have to go independent. I don't think it's something I can do. Yet my parents are forcing me to take competitive examination after one and another. They sort of expect me to win the world.

It'a amazing what I can do (at least theoretically) compared to another brain damage patient who never was taught any life skill, but it isn't the case when I am compared to an average person.


I want to help people, but I am scared of people too. And my parents have ridiculously high expectations of me. Why? Because I am their only son. They should've taught me life skills. But they didn't. Now they complain I cannot stand in a decent way. As if it my fault. Yes, blame the sufferer. Never let me interact with society, how in the **** was I supposed to stay sane?


I wanted to be a tuition center owner. I was thinking about doing M.S. But nooooooooooooooooooooo, do another non-science competitive exam. I am tired of it, tired of it all. Join a coaching class for it too. "Foundation gets strong."


I have emotional numbing to the point where I pretend I am angry when I should be. And my classmates, either think I am a clown or want to victimize me, mostly both. It's hard to live this way.

Should I just tell them I cannot do it? But then what? Stay at home till the day I die? Not so promising.