Oh! I am so sorry you experience that in your marriage. I believe it is emotionally abusive. It sounds controlling and disrespectful, casting you as "the bad one" in relation to him, a more powerful other. In your words I can tell you definitely experience it as abusive. It triggers a trauma response in you. I am not surprised you feel beat up and crushed when it happens. It likely repeats childhood trauma over and over and over again. Those young hurt parts of you experience being hurt all over again. Every time he does this to you. They don't get to escape!

He IS being a bully. What he is doing really is not okay. It is not respectful. It is not kind. It is not loving. It is not caring. It is not supportive. It is not okay.

It is hurtful. It is disrespectful. It is harmful. It is triggering. It is mean. It is abusive. It is unkind. It is immature. It is controlling. It is inconsiderate. It is the behavior of someone who wants power over you rather than a connection.

Those hurt ones get to be hurt over and over again. They don't get to feel safe. They don't get to feel protected. They need to be alert to danger and threat all the time, long after the old hurts have passed.

I am so sorry this is the place you find yourself in now. I am sorry your hurt little ones are not safe yet.

I trust one day they will be safe from harm.