Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay
Oh! I am so sorry you experience that in your marriage. I believe it is emotionally abusive. It sounds controlling and disrespectful, casting you as "the bad one" in relation to him, a more powerful other. In your words I can tell you definitely experience it as abusive. It triggers a trauma response in you. I am not surprised you feel beat up and crushed when it happens. It likely repeats childhood trauma over and over and over again. Those young hurt parts of you experience being hurt all over again. Every time he does this to you. They don't get to escape!
He IS being a bully. What he is doing really is not okay. It is not respectful. It is not kind. It is not loving. It is not caring. It is not supportive. It is not okay.
It is hurtful. It is disrespectful. It is harmful. It is triggering. It is mean. It is abusive. It is unkind. It is immature. It is controlling. It is inconsiderate. It is the behavior of someone who wants power over you rather than a connection.
Those hurt ones get to be hurt over and over again. They don't get to feel safe. They don't get to feel protected. They need to be alert to danger and threat all the time, long after the old hurts have passed. 
I am so sorry this is the place you find yourself in now. I am sorry your hurt little ones are not safe yet.
I trust one day they will be safe from harm. |
Thank you!
I hope one day to have the strength and healing to stand in the face of it.
Your post brought something to my mind.
When my boys were young, 5 and 2, we were visiting my parents. The boys were being boys and I had to correct them and this happened in front of my dad.
I did swat a bottom and use my stern voice, but it was followed by a hug and explaining why I did it.
My dad saw that and told me that when I disciplined them, I needed to pull my affection away from them until they earned it back.
I remember, now, my heart feeling very heavy from what he said. I would never do that to my babies, but he did it to me.
I believe that is where this is coming from. I don't know just yet how to stop it, but the connection feels good to know.