After a dozen years on SSRI's I took myself off. I felt emotionally numb. I wanted to see what was there underneath.

I found different and better therapy and go more often than I ever did. I am now learning about dealing with the 'what's underneath'.

I do have Xanax for when the anxiety gets unbearable and keeps me from being able to sleep.

My diagnosis has been adjusted/changed also. I never thought that depression/anxiety quite told the whole story, fully described my feelings, moods, and behaviors. After a lot of reading, including "I Hate You... Don't Leave Me" and especially "Get Me Out of Here", I suspected Borderline Personaltiy Disorder. A few weeks ago I asked my psychotherapist if she thought BPD described me and she said yes that she had thought that for some time (we've been in therapy for almost a year). I don't think labels/diagnoses are too important, but it feels good in a way because I just never felt that depression/anxiety quite fit.

I didn't know when I went off my meds what would happen but I was ready.

A great psychotherapist is a must; I hope he's working with one.

No meds means dealing with feelings I have supressed for a long time. It's very hard sometimes but it's what I want to do.

He may need some time to just 'be' for a while, to see for himself how he is and what works and what doesn't.