I believe that my inability to develop my music, among other things, is due to depression and the way my soul was pinned down and flattened out in childhood. My voice died in my throat.

But I'm letting it go anyway. It's too late.

I feel sick. I am tired. I am alone. I am stuck.

No more music. I have never been able to hold a living thing in my hands or heart without killing it. I am just incapable of holding life.

Call it giving up, whatever you want. I don't care. Feel too much shame and eventually you won't be able to feel anything at all.

All this misery is fighting to pour out. I have and am nothing. Completely empty. So I don't mind saying goodbye to it.