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Originally Posted by guilloche
Thanks Starfishing. That's really cool that you're doing psychoanalysis. I can easily imagine how his training/orientation is a big help for this stuff. My experience has been so many Ts just... get caught up in the counter-transference (I think?) and end up feeling personally *bad*, when really it doesn't have a lot to do with them, and we'd both do better if they could identify it for what it is and deal with it, rather than react.
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My current T is a psychoanalyst as well, but she's very unorthodox. I've met/interviewed psychoanalysts whose blank slate approach threw me into states of panic. So I knew that
blank slate therapists are not for me. I guess what's helpful with psychoanalytical training is that it trains the Ts perception to pick up on the undercurrents. To be aware of their own (counter)transference... What I don't like about psychoanalysis is that it tends to be fairly hierarchical, at least where I am living. Current T deflects this power hierarchy by being much more transparent than a "normal" psychoanalyst would be. But then she's a trauma therapist as well, so I suppose this plays strongly into her way of working as well... [/QUOTE]
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Originally Posted by guilloche
that sucks that your ex-T thought you were purposefully refusing to discuss the anger. Isn't that just the silliest feeling, trying to figure out how to discuss something that you don't actually feel in the moment?
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Her insisting on this anger thing was actually really scary. It kind of messed with my brain, because she got extremely frustrated and agitated because I wouldn't 'admit' this anger of mine (which I didn't feel) and because her reactions were so strong I kept questioning myself and my own perception more and more. In the end I was convinced that I must be "wrong" or "bad" for not having access to my aggressions, which was a scary re-enactment of my christian fundamentalist upbringing... Because I doubted my own perceptions it took me incredibly long to get up and leave this situation. Because I was 'convinced' that I have to pull through this, that there is no way around this, but right through the middle. Bit sad really.
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Originally Posted by guilloche
re: Jumping in... my T has told me that she notices that I get annoyed when she interrupts (ya think?) - which is a little surprising, because she's also told me that she can't read my emotions at all. (As an example, just a week or two ago she mentioned that when she puts my upcoming appointments in to the calendar, she's never sure if I actually want them scheduled! I don't understand this at all... I've never canceled on her or talked about leaving, even though I HAVE discussed whether psychoanalysis might be a better fit. It's frustrating - because again - it feels like this pattern of a T starting to feel "not good enough" playing out!)
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Maybe it's not so much surprising but two sides of the same medal?
As a psychodynamic T (correct me if I'm wrong) she's on the 'lookout' for emotional gravity. So she will notice that you get annoyed. Which is a good thing and you got every right to get annoyed when she interrupts you. Do you express your annoyance as well? or do you just talk about like, like you'd talk about the weather?
With regard to the scheduling: Maybe her uncertainty stems from the fact that she doesn't or cannot feel the "emotional pull" in this area. I find quite often that I felt I was very upfront and direct and clear in my communication. And it doesn't "reach" my T. Because yes, my words might have been clear, but my facial and/or body expressions might actually have told her the opposite story, or nothing at all, flatline. It doesn't reflect at all on you not being good enough. It might be more of an observation of her perceptions, could be. If it bugs you, you should bring it up and discuss it with her, might bring some interesting insights. Otherwise you'll start your own theories about this and eventually act on this theroy, which is never good...
Anyway, what I 'm trying to say, not all things that seem to be contradictory must necessarily be contradictions... It does help to talk about it. To bring up YOUR perceptions, and ask her for hers.