My Support Forums - View Single Post - How should I help my 15 years old daughter?

Skeezyks · 03:58 PM

Hello SadMom: Welcome to PsychCentral!

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you have had this distressing experience.

I know others, here on PC, have suggested you take your daughter to see a mental health professional... a counselor or therapist. Of course, if she's willing to go, that's a good idea. But, based on what you wrote, it doesn't sound to me as though this is likely.

And counseling, or therapy, is only going to be effective to the extent your daughter is willing to go & to participate.

Please excuse me for saying so, but I do think it is going to be important for you, in this situation, to try to let go of your indignation. Being horrified, shocked, & not wanting your daughter to turn into a "dirty girl" really is not helpful & is only likely to cause additional friction between the two of you.

From my perspective, at least, the more objective you can remain... the better.

I personally don't believe this situation is something you should blame yourself for. I obviously don't know what the history of your relationship with your daughter has been. But one thing I do know, based on my own experience growing up, is that there's only so much a parent can do to keep their child on the right path.

The fact is your daughter is doing the things she's doing, & apparently has been doing so for some time now. (I don't know what the laws are in your country with regard to this sort of thing. Where I live, having sex with a 15 year old girl is a criminal offense. So the young man she was with could be prosecuted here.) But as for your daughter, yes she is only 15. Her brain has yet to become fully developed. And she's making some very unfortunate choices.

But the reality of the situation is, while she's still basically a child, she's old enough there's only so much control you can exert over her. This is the dilemma every parent of a teenager faces.

So my personal opinion, for what it's worth, would be for you to try as best you can to talk with her calmly & objectively with regard to your concerns. (Setting boundaries is also something that you may see recommended. But boundaries are only as good as your ability to enforce them.) Certainly arrange for some counseling or therapy if your daughter is willing. And help her to ensure she remains as safe as possible from unwanted pregnancy & STD's. I know you want her to change. But you can't make her change. You can only help her to change to the best of your ability.