ok guys, i am counting on you. T seems to think having online support like this is helpful right now.

as some or most of you know, my H is due to arrive tomorrow. Most of you know what that means for me. i think he will not be directly or openly abusive.. but i have to withstand the fear i developed from before.. i have to try to keep *me*

being with H is a step into a parrallel universe... i become someone else.. and i don't know how not to. i cant even relate the experience of one universe to the other. i cant prepare for an experience i cant relate to until i am there.

everyone is worried.. even T.. he says maybe shooting for status quo might be best until i can get stronger

in any event..

i am asking.. no begging.. all of you to help me through this. Be here, talk to me, help me stay focussed. i need affirmations, mantras, good vibes.. *anything* which sends a positive message... even a hug.

i am likely going to have to check PC from school instead of home.. so i am counting on you guys just giving me some little thing to boost me each day.... please?

seriously.. anything.. a limmerick.. i have to keep afloat between now and tuesday